~ I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They were Japanese.

~ I made my way downstairs. The stairs lead all the way down onto the street. They lead all the way up too, of course. Saves me having two stairways.

~ I met this chap at the Olympics and I said to him, 'Excuse me but are you a pole vaulter?' He replied, 'No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?'

Chic Murray