pike
Three Polish poachers are facing prison sentences for forcing a giant pike to drink champagne. Two of them were spotted holding the freshly caught fish while the third tried to pour the contents of the bottle down its throat.

norse patio
Archaeologists in Fife mistook a 1940's sunken patio for a 9th century Viking village. Douglas Spiers says his team concluded the slabs found in the garden of a Buckhaven home had been hauled by Norse settlers from a nearby beach. Even the discovery of a WW2 gas mask on the plot failed to deter them from their theory that this was the first evidence of Viking homes on mainland Scotland.

no off switch
Timothy Dumouchel from Wisconsin is suing a cable company for making his wife fat and his children 'lazy channel surfers'. He asked the company to disconnect the service four years ago but they never did, although they stopped billing him. 'The reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is overweight is because we watched the TV every day for the last four years', he said.

whoppers
Police in Troy, Michigan, believe teenagers are hacking into the wireless frequency of a US Burger King drive-through speaker. They told one customer who had just placed an order: 'You don't need a couple of Whoppers. You are too fat. Pull ahead.'